Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
