remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
