I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
bring money and cleavage
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
