i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
