that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
