I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
