I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
