He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
