We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize