happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
