Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's Friday. Sex?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
