theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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