I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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