There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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