I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
