i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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