I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
