Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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