so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
