I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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