I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
