You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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