U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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