Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
