Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
