I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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