it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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