Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
not ubering you a puppy
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
