Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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