He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
