Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
