When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
