I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
