Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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