No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
