It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
