is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
