Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
