I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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