this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
