I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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