If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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