I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
