Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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