So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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