Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
