its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
