this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
