Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im part way to drunk.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
