Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
