So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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