There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
