Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
