I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
