Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
