just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize