i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
