Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
