Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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