I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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