i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
