Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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