I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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