You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
