i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The best revenge is premature balding
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
