Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
