It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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