i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
