My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
