I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
