I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why can't burritos get me drunk
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
