The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
