Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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