Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize