Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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