Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I love you. Go after that dick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
