just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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