the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
